7eventeen

ugh. University applications suck. Primarily for the obvious reason, but also because there's a great big fucking box that says 'legal first name' and 'family name'.
Then, I noticed another box which says 'preferred first name, if different', which gave me a ray of hope. So I entered the rest of my information, and hit next.

Where I was greeted with 'welcome to the next step of your applications process, [legalfirstname] [lastname]!'
FUCK YOU. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK.
And there's no way to change it now, save for a personal call to the registrar's office. FUCK.

A piece I wrote is currently on the front page of thefbomb.org, an awesome site for feminist teens. It's run by Julie Zeilinger, who is absolutely brilliant, and well worth listening to.

growing up different

Julie's site, thefbomb.

Although it's funny, it's kind of scary, too.

I'm a young trans woman. I'm also decently butch. I can count on one hand the number of people I've disclosed to who've accepted that without a look of confusion.
My gender identity (female, for the most part), and my gender expression (butch, for the most part), are an awkward intersection for some other people to grasp. Why is that, though? Why is a trans female identity a sure lock for wearing Alice in Wonderland dresses at all times in the cultural consciousness? No, seriously. Why?

It's easy enough to say that the whole cultural stereotype of the trans* woman is divided into one of two types - 'surprise' transsexuals and 'pathetic' transsexuals (h/t to Julie Serano, who is awesome, and whose writing really helped me shape my identity in a positive way). Trans identity is either a plot twist or a visual gag in the mainstream media. Not cool, guys.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, honestly. It's late at night and I'm tired and felt like writing. That said, it's a valid point that since, as trans* people, we hold ourselves up to some pillar of masculinity or femininity, we erase the existence of butch trans* women and femme trans* men. I've felt alienated in certain purportedly safe spaces because of the contrast between my trans identity and my butch identity, and have often felt pressured to pick one. Other trans* women have questioned my gender identity by calling out my gender presentation.

We need a better sense of community within our smaller trans community, and respect for those that differ, whether in minor or radical fashions. If we don't, the kyriarchists have won.

But what most people don't know -- including the president, apparently -- with certain narrow exceptions, competing with the post office is prohibited by law.

Expect the same with national health care. Liberals won't stop until they have total control. How else will they get you to pay for their sex-change operations?

(emphasis mine)

What the hell? I was not under the impression that Republicans were paying for my SRS. Awesome.
Ann, do you know how fucking expensive those things are? Thanks, babe.

Again, more Caster Semenya drama. What blew me away, though, was the sheer number of transphobic and downright sexist comments. In a comm ABOUT SEXISM AND ITS EFFECTS. Am I the only one seeing the disconnect here? Not to mention the almost casual transmisogyny and transphobia.

There's a fine line between saying "we require no proof from anyone, no matter how masculine they look" and saying "let's just abolish women's sports and everyone competes in the same group"

She does have an extremely masculine-looking torso and hips. I think it is offensive but at the same time they have to be able to question stuff like that to a certain degree.

But it's saciel's post that really got me angry.

I don't give a damn for transgendered people. In society? Yeah, everything they desire, but in sports there is only one thing that counts: The body and it's capability.
And if a woman lives in the BODY of a full grown man than she should start either for the male team or we should (FINALLY) found extra teams for transgenders however small they would be.

(emphasis mine)
Seperate but equal, eh? We haven't tried that in a little while. Maybe it'll work this time.

Because it would be cruel for the transgender woman to cut back her abilities and unfair to all the other women for being beaten because one competitur has a biological-sex-determined advantage.

Because trans* women are really men, amirite? And hormones don't do ANYTHING to physical capacity, no SIR.

Ugh. This makes me rage, SO MUCH.
Source

Attended a Hiroshima memorial last night to perform. I was quite dissapointed in that the entire audience were old white british people. I get that it's a peace celebration, but still.
And they kept pronouncing it as He-ROSH-Uh-Muh. uasdfksadf;sjkldf;jaslkdfjl;asdfjasl;dkfjas;lkdfj;sdfd. It doesn't bother me that they were there, but that they were the only ones there. Ugh - it just felt wrong.

Anyways, I have some video of the whole thing, and once it's uploaded to Youtube, going to post it.

Man Acquitted With Gay Panic Defense

A Chicago man who killed his neighbor by stabbing him with a replica dagger 61 times was acquitted of first-degree murder on Friday. Joseph Biedermann fatally stabbed his neighbor Terrance Hauser last year, and Biedermann's attorney Sam Adam Jr. argued that his client was acting in self-defense, saying Hauser had threatened him with unwanted sexual advances.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

God, fucking heterosexual men. If there was ever a group who actually HAD IT OK. What the gosh was passing through this guy's head? 'oh no, if this gay man is attracted to me, that makes me gay too!' Fuck that. If a construction worker whistles at me, doesn't mean I'm magically straight. Unless it's a female construction worker, and she's hot. Then I'll be in my bunk. But seriously, what could this guy be thinking?
Ooh, I know. "unwanted sexual advances"
Fuck that shit.
Like I said above - construction worker. If one whistles, or whatever the hell it is construction workers do now that that darn feminism thing is in the way (and what's with that, man. Bitches be uppity), does that mean I get to stab them? No! Does it mean I get to stab them sixty one times? GOSH no. And does it mean I get to later claim that I stabbed the construction worker in self defense? (say it with me) GOSH NO.

Ugh. And the gay panic defense can die in a gosh darn fire.

See how the GQ cover on the right is censored? Must be messed up, if they censor it the way they would pornography.
(images from Gawker)
( Under the cut, more photos and analysis of how gendered certain poses are )

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Pool-Boots-Kids-Who-Might-Change-the-Complexion.html

What the eff? Seriously, this is among the more eff'd up things I've seen. And I've seen a lot of eff'd up things.

Now, if you know me, you may know that I like this phrase. It's the twelve most frequent letters in the english language in descending order.
So how cool is it that it's a programming language? And not only that, but an esoteric one that takes in poetry/prose/ramblings and uses them as code. If it were possible to love a programming language, I think I would.

Look at this. LOOK AT THIS.

No heat: "hello.eta", written by Mike Taylor

** FUNGICIDE **
-- Fungus calendar --
CURTSEY:
Fungal toe! Fungal toe! Fungal hoe!
(Burnt programmer nucleus)
Ooooooo!
CRUDDY 2nd TOE:
Nine(!) fungal hyaena toe5!
Dungy alfalfa, penalty superlunary -- Oh, blubber!
Oo! Oooo! OW!

The above text prints 'hello world'.
Now if you'll excuse me I must be off to write prosegrams and cook dinner.

I've never liked potato salad. So I thrilled at the opportunity to reinvent my own version.
So I bought ten red potatoes, cut them into eighths, and stuck them in boiling water, as is the norm with potato salad. This is about where the resemblance between the normal and my version ends. While it's boiling, I fried up 200g of pancetta, then shredded it. After about 20 minutes, I poured the potatoes into a strainer, then into a nice melamine mixing bowl. Covered it all with salt, pepper, chives, paprika and olive oil, then I tossed it. Once it was all good and mixed up, I added the pancetta, then lightly tossed it again.

Haven't had it yet (aside from sampling), but going to have it with a teriyaki sauce pork tenderloin, so that should be good. Will edit after the fact.
ETA: Had it, and it was delicious. DAMN delicious. Probably should serve it warm next time, though.

I just spent an hour playing with typefaces. No huge reason - except that I finally found a copy of the Fedra family. And yes, it made me happier than I've been all week.

Look, and behold its marvellous goodness.

Seriously, I'm SO GIDDY right now.

You know what are strange? Toes.
OK, let me back up. I was tending to my garden, when I happened to look down at my bare feet.
And, by extension, my toes.
DAMN toes are weird.
They're all skinny, then they bulge out a bit, then they go in, then get REALLY weird.
And don't even get me STARTED on toenails. Those things are tiny and odd and weird.


Also, sleep deprivation is FUN STUFF. I have been SO PRODUCTIVE it is CRAZY.

on Mélange Lavonne.
For one, she's effing GORGEOUS.

Two, she's a gay activist, and that really comes out in her music. Check.
Three, she has AMAZING rhymes. re: WBC-type fundamentalism and gaybashing:

You go to church every week you call this devotion
Hide behind the police and say your word is spoken
Your faith is only what you only see your eyes wide open
You say you’re a man of god but you going through the motions

SO ENVIOUS. She has amazing rhymes.

Gay Bash

The happier I Got You

Here's an interesting series of photos I saw a few days ago.
I found it really interestingly staged and done - it's not just VISUALLY interesting, it's interesting from a sociological point of view as well.

Both teen girls and trans* women are considered to be 'not quite women' by many people (not that I'm agreeing with this, obviously). But the photos seem to conflate the two identities - trans and teenaged - as a sort of 'hey look we're not that different after all' type argument.
Which is cool and all.
But once again, all the trans* women shown appear to have probably transitioned in their twenties or thirties or so - their second puberty, paralleled with the girls' first. But once again, it buys into the societal image of trans* women, one that just isn't completely accurate.

My thoughts on these images, as both a transgirl AND a teenager, are obviously complex. The fact that I am clearly not represented (there are cis teens, and older trans* women, and no intersection thereof) irks me a little, although I'm sure that it'd be a much less compelling visual image if I were. So no real hurt there.

What I find so interesting, though, is that the artist's statement so clearly identifies both groups as those society (by which I mean cis,straight,white men) shies away from - Lolita and The Crying Game - both 'predators', preying on the poor, poor cis straight man who didn't know, honest! And, of course, it's 'their fault', for leading the man astray.

And now I have no clue where I was going with this.
To sum up - interesting series of photos which could be thought-provoking for cis acquaintances. Also I realized I haven't posted in AGES and wanted to post something. So that too.

Note to self: you have privilege. You should check it frequently.
I am physically and mentally able. I can be sure that public facilities and areas will be able to accommodate me.
I am Caucasian. I can be sure that my elected representatives have some of my interests at heart. I am not the recipient of racism where I live, nor am I one of few people of my skin colour where I live.
I am averagely-sized. I can be sure to find clothing that will fit me.
I am middle-class. Every time that I haven't needed to worry about money, I have privilege.
I pass as female most of the time. I do not need to fear violence just for being myself in public nearly as much as other trans* women who do not pass as easily.
I am a student. I receive access to an education, which is more than many people.
I have not been the recipient of abuse or domestic violence. I am lucky.
I have many many many more privileges I am not even aware of. I am ignorant of many of the ways my society is constructed to suit me.

Yes, I don't have cis-privilege, or straight privilege, or male privilege. I do not have a free pass because of these things - more-so, I have more of an obligation to check my privilege.

Screw you. Screw you, Barack. I know that when you were campaigning, you promised to look out for queer people. And, for a little while, you did.
But no. Just no. Defending DOMA? What the fuck? I mean, just... seriously. I'm far too flabbergasted to articulate what I want to say.
Actually, scratch that. I know exactly what I want to say.

Way to go back on your principles. You were marketed as the most gay-friendly candidate. Maybe you still are. And that's a sad, sad reflection of the truth. From one non-white-cis-male to another - I expected better of you. You gave a speech last year entitled "A More Perfect Union" - you KNOW about racism and discrimination.
Mr. Obama - even though you're not my president - even though I already HAVE legalized gay marriage - this is a blow. This Union is no more perfect for your actions recently, and, to be honest, things are getting less and less perfect rather quickly. Pretty soon, the only people who will agree with your concept of 'perfect union' will be the bible-thumping opponents of gay marriage who were responsible for DOMA, DADT, Prop 8, and the rest of that continuing list of atrocities committed in the name of perfection.
And if that's your idea of a More Perfect Union? You're welcome to it.
But count me out.